I Feel Like My Heart is Exploding

This post is going to be shorter than I want it to be because Barrett is due for a feeding in 25 minutes.

If I had read that sentence ten months ago, I would have thought, "Oh, poor woman. How confining to be a mom. You've lost your freedom." But I don't think that now.

A few nights ago, there was a tornado warning here in Tuscaloosa, and Chris and I got ourselves into our car with our tiny little boy and drove in what we call "focus mode" through the heavy rain and lightning over to our friends Paul and Kerry's house because they have a basement. This was their first time to meet Barrett.

As I sat next to Kerry, who was holding Barrett, I felt overwhelmed by the emotions going through me, and was surprised at how I missed him just because someone else was holding him. Kerry asked me how it was going, this new parent thing, and I said, "I get it now."

Parenthood was like a dress in a store window that I had passed hundreds of times, just window shopping, and which had always made me nervous because of the enormous price tag hanging from the sleeve.

But now I have walked in and tried on the dress and bought it, and there is no buyer's remorse, not even when this dress keeps me awake at night to the point that I feel I am being tortured through sleep deprivation. Not even then.

Okay, enough about the dress. Blog readers, I officially introduce you to Barrett, my new little son who has made me a new little mommy.

I plan to write some posts about what I learned from the labor and delivery experience (minus some of the graphic details that moms love to share and non-parents possibly cringe at). God walked with me through that experience and whispered to me in the darkness of that hospital room things that I now want to proclaim to you from the roof, so to speak.

But for now, suffice it to say that I am not who I was so recently, and that I have a new favorite person, and a new level of love for the grown man in my life. I feel that I have just walked through a portal and life will never look the same again.

And, for now, here's one thing I have learned:

Motherhood is a privilege.