Using Your Powers for Good

Chris and I got really into the tv show Heroes a couple years back. In most superhero stories, you are left wishing, "Man, I want to be that cool! I definitely want me some superpowers." And I can't say that wasn't true with this show.

But the interesting thing for me was how much Heroes showed its characters as regular humans who happened to be able to do something no one else could.

Isn't that a lot like you and me?

Think about it. What is your superpower? What is it that you take deep, deep joy in and also seem to be able to use in a powerful way, for good or for evil? What brings you to life and gets you really excited? It's probably true that this thing in your life also scares you to death and that you sometimes feel like a 3-year-old asked to handle a bonfire. On what field of your heart do deep desires and a sense of driving purpose seem to unleash themselves?

For me, at least at this point in my life, it often seems to be in acting, or in relationships.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to act, and ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted deep, meaningful relationships. These are two arenas in which I experience epic degrees of both joy and heartache. These playing fields are the ones on which my sweat has often watered the ground, and where I have often ended up either broken and bruised, or standing on a mountaintop.

Am I losing you here?

I believe that each of us has been designed as a unique and irreplaceable creation, and that that includes specially designed "powers", or abilities, if you will. I think these are what the Bible calls "talents" (Matthew 25:13-30, The Bible). I have misused my powers before, trying to use them to gain recognition or to fill my loneliness and longing for community, and I have ended up hopeless and bleeding because of it. In those times, I was like the builders of the Tower of Babel, trying to "make a name" for myself (Genesis 11:4, The Bible).



But this morning, I feel like one of the characters on Heroes. It's been a year since I last acted in a show, a year since God made it clear that I needed to step back and grow before proceeding. In this last year, I have been through some gut-wrenching counseling, have made a move of over 1300 miles, have started over in a new culture, a new line of work, and with a new set of friends to be made.

And as I step back on the stage, I am so grateful to my faithful Daddy for the ways He has been molding me, breaking and reshaping me to become more like him, in the way that a potter lovingly crafts his clay. I am a work in progress, so please pardon my dust, and test everything that I am about to say to see if it is right. Throw out anything that isn't. I say it with conviction, but ultimately, I am imperfect. With that disclaimer in place, here are a few of the ways God has been teaching me to use my powers (for acting, for relationship, for work, for everything) for good:

1. Read the Bible every day. Even when you don't feel like it. It is the water for which you are parched. Really. I dare you. Just try it for a week, maybe read a psalm every morning and evening, read it like a good book instead of a set of rules, and see what happens.

2. Pray a lot. You need it. Talk to him about everything. Find places where no is listening (stuck in traffic?) and just vent to God the way that you need to. As John Mayer sings it, "Say what you need to say." I mean it. Hold nothing back from him, even if it feels awkward at first, and even if you don't get immediate answers. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. It will be worth it. And you will find the best friend you have ever longed for, even when everyone else leaves you lonely.

3. Your "powers" are not what make you special. God has already made you special. Your powers are given to you for brilliant, unique purposes that God has in mind. This is amazing news, but can be really, really tough to learn. And there is an enemy out there who is ready to tell you that God can't be trusted, that you should use your powers to make everyone think about how great and powerful you are. I am not being mean here; I want you to know joy and peace. Pride truly does come before the fall, and God truly does give grace--his riches--to the humble. I heard once that humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. This is one to pray about. It's hard to learn!

4. Commitment is the key to success. The best actors--and friends and spouses, for that matter--are the ones who are most committed, who get there early, stay late, and are willing to do crazy vocal and physical warmups on an empty stage by themselves when everyone else around them is socializing (thank you, Alex Cape, for your example). They are willing to do the lonely work, and to find deep, rich joy in it. The lasting, powerful joy of a committed craftsman.

And now, to speak even more specifically to my actor friends...

5. I am not my character. But, as an actress in an assigned role, I do have the deep privilege of being a steward of my character. This is an important distinction. (Remember the Steward of Gondor in Lord of the Rings, and the trouble that his role confusion caused?) I could write about 5 more posts--or a whole book--on this issue, but for now, suffice it to say that I have learned that it's dangerous to confuse the character with yourself. It hurts your ability to play the character well and it hurts your ability to live your life well. Boundaries are extremely, extremely important in acting. I can not say this enough. Learn healthy boundaries. And they do not, in fact, limit you, but free you up to do your best work.

6. This one is very important: Do not follow your emotions. Follow Jesus. I've heard it said that feelings are excellent servants and terrible masters. This, I believe, is wise. And a difficult, advanced-level lesson to learn. This lesson is made especially hard by the culture in which we live, one which celebrates and encourages its members to do what feels right, but not necessarily what is right.

Here I am going to get tough with you, because I care about you, and because I believe that this really, really matters. If you are an actor and endeavoring to live a God-pleasing life, then let me tell you: Make it a point to enroll in the advanced class on following Jesus and not following, but rather harnessing, emotions for His will. This is a lesson that you as an actor especially need to learn. I mean it.

An actor has a big responsibility. Part of your job is to truthfully explore territory of which the general population is terrified, or not equipped to handle properly. For example, what is the healthiest way, emotionally and mentally, to handle kissing scenes? Acting out the role of a suicidal character? Cussing? Nudity? The emotional attachments that form when you are part of a cast, and that so often end when the show is over? (I'm telling you, it's hard!)

7. Know your particular limits, which will most likely change over time. Be willing to not go for roles that you are not emotionally prepared to handle. Your real life is more important than the life of the character, and is not worth sacrificing for the character's. Let your career level only grow in proportion to your level of character--here meaning integrity and maturity. Believe me, I am finding peace in being aware of what I am and am not ready to take on. No matter what other people want to push you into, part of real maturity is knowing yourself and taking care of yourself well. It feels good and safe to be well taken care of.

8. Know the one who is Love. From talking to other Christian actors in New York, I think that if you approach the complex issues mentioned above by trying really hard and setting rules alone, you will get very, very frustrated and most likely get into trouble. Your strength on its own will not hold up. We are just not able to follow Jesus without Jesus--we need His help.

Now for the good news: The amazing and difficult wonder of my acting journey is the way it has forced me to run to my Savior, find his grace, seek His guidance, and be changed day after day. It has forced me to see what a little kid I am, to start delighting in that fact, and to learn how okay it is to be weak and to run endlessly back to my Daddy. To realize that, ultimately, I act for an audience of ONE.

9. Get filled up. No character you play or act against, no person that you meet, can fully fill your loneliness, but Jesus can. He is a beautiful savior. He is my ultimate dance partner, my ultimate duet partner, my ultimate scene partner. When He is second to anything else in my life--often the good things, like acting or my marriage--then I start to lose hope and the cracks in my foundation widen.

But when He is first in my heart? Oh, the rapture! Oh, the joy of the best friend I have ever known.

You see, God is a great friend of actors. He knows what it is like to be fully present in the moment and yet to keep the whole arc of the story in mind. He LOVES stories--a "good story well told," that is (quote from Robert McKee). He is writing one every day, with your life and mine. All the world truly is a stage. He is a God full of emotions, and yet also fully in control of those emotions, strong, self-controlled and wise enough to harness their power as mighty servants, in the same way that I can see him grasping a lightning bolt in his bare hands and thrusting it to the ground in perfect timing. Out of a joyful, loving, perfect, committed will.

10. Be patient and kind with yourself--God is. You are on a journey; you have not arrived. You will mess up. I will mess up, sometimes royally. I am sure there will be many times I forget the things I have written here. And He still loves us. And we are always, always welcome back on his lap. He knows that we are "butt dust". :)



And I know that no matter what your particular "power" is, no matter how badly you have messed up, no matter how many impatient teachers or unloving daddy experiences you have had, that there is one superhero named God, who is also, miraculously, the perfect teacher and the most loving of Fathers.



And He is ready to meet you right where you are and to patiently teach you how to wield your powers for good. He's the one that gave them to you in the first place.