Interview with an Extravert

Photo by Mary Beth Johnson

So, I've mentioned on this blog that I am introverted, an INFJ.  It's become a sort of hobby for me to look up articles about my uncommon (read: weird) personality type, and I've learned things that have helped me a lot.  For one thing, I know that I love getting to know people and often act extraverted*, but that I'm going to need a break afterwards--and that that's okay!

Then, one day at Starbucks, a pastor friend of mine, Beau, came in to the store.  He was meeting a guy from church for coffee, and invited me to join them on my ten-minute break.  In the quick-but-snazzy conversation that ensued, he mentioned that he is an off-the-charts extravert, and I got curious.

"Ooh...a real extravert in the wild!  How does he tick?" I wondered.

Well, I went to Beau's church last Sunday, and he seemed okay being interviewed, so I shot him over some questions, and here's what I got back.  So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, a peek inside the mind of an extravert:


1. How did you first discover you were an extravert?

Probably in high school, when I began to really enjoy walking up to tables (at lunch) where I didn't know anyone and introducing myself - getting involved in YoungLife really helped with this, as there were always All-City clubs and retreats where there were new people to meet--it would thoroughly energize me.  Almost a "high." 

2. How do you think your extraversion shaped your childhood?  How does it affect you now?

It made me never want to be home--I wanted to be at new places, meeting new people.  Now, in my late 30's, being home is a safe haven, but it's also a place where I'm with my favorite people--my wife and kids.  Also, as I mature, I realize that some alone time is good for my soul, but I'm still most energized when I'm with people.  I have realized that God has placed in me an insatiable desire to know people.  It's not just a matter of MEETING new people... I want to KNOW them.  I want to hear their stories.  I want to know what makes them tick.  And God has given me some sort of supernatural ability to connect with people.  It is exhilarating and exciting when it happens. 

3. Who is a friend who seems to really "get" you?  Is he/she extraverted, too?

John-O is my best friend, and he is even more extroverted than I am.  He and I, in college, would get a kick out of going to places and meeting new people (usually girls, but that's a different story).  And boy, does he get me.  He is the one guy in my life who can peer deep into my soul and call me out for sin that I haven't even told him I'm struggling with!  He sees my obvious sins, and he sees the stuff that's not even out there...I don't know if this is because he "gets me" because HE is an extrovert, or because he is just discerning and wise...That would be an interesting study, wouldn't it?

4. What is one thing you wish others understood about you as an extravert?

That I want to get to know you- not because I have a hidden agenda, but because more than likely, I will find your story interesting and compelling.  Sure, I'd LOVE to tell you about Jesus, or to invite you to church, but mostly I want to know you because you are uniquely created by God, you have inherent worth, and because more than likely, I will find you VERY interesting. 

5. What kinds of jobs are you drawn to?

Anything that uses my unique gifting and wiring.  Ministry is that one thing that I have always loved.  Sales was something I was good at, but I hated sales, because everyone knew I had an agenda...I would probably love counseling; maybe a job as a conference speaker or retreat speaker...

6. What activities charge you up?

Meeting new people and hearing their stories; preaching/teaching; mentoring; mastering hobbies (BBQing meat, making beer, cooking, golf).  The problem with me is that I don't have fun unless I'm competing or trying to master something...so I can't just DO a crossword puzzle, I have to time myself.  I can't just watch a movie--I have to watch ALL of the Oscar-nominated movies; I can't just golf to have fun--I have to keep score... etc., etc.  Therefore, when I meet you, I don't want to small-talk.  I want to get deep inside your soul.  It's not a game--don't get me wrong.  It's just that I am intensely personal and insatiably curious, which usually causes people to feel loved that I care enough to ask...but it can sometimes backfire, when people are put off by the questions. 

7. What activities drain you?

This.  No, but seriously--anything that is BORING.  And what bores me is when I am not being challenged.  Most activities that I'm not in charge of can quickly drain me of energy.  Now that might sound arrogant, but it is the unique way God has wired me.  I'm a leader.  I think I have better ideas than other people (isn't that what EVERY church planter or entrepreneur thinks?); I want to do things MY way.  And it's not that I'm a control freak; it's that I think I have a better, more efficient way of accomplishing a task!  Don't get me wrong--I have had many bosses, and I get along with them.  It's just draining sometimes to do things other people's way. As is true with just about anybody's personality type, the way I'm wired can be both a blessing and a curse. 

8. What have you learned along the way that has made your life as an extravert more meaningful or fulfilling?

To operate out of the gifting that God has supernaturally imposed on me is life-giving and meaningful.  I embrace my extroversion.  I find it fulfilling.  It makes me even more confident when I'm with people.  I feel fulfilled the most when I am doing what I feel called to do.

9. How have you seen God use your extraversion?

Definitely in discipleship- I love meeting young men, and I love the challenge of helping them navigate through life.  I feel that mentoring and discipleship is what my "sweet spot" is--that place whereby I hit home runs instead of singles and doubles (to continue the baseball analogy).  I am sometimes shocked at how much people will tell me.  I remember meeting a guy one time, and within 10 minutes, he was telling me things that he said, "I've never told anybody."  I didn't even TRY to get that out of him!  It just happened.  Or the day where my waitress told me her whole life story, including how she used to be a Satanist (a Satan worshipper).  Wow.  It happens all the time.  And each time it happens (almost daily) I thank God for how He has wired me. 

10. Anything else you want to share?

Every time I take a personality test or talk about these types of issues, I almost always have the shy, introverted people who come up to me and tell me, "I wish I was more like you." I want to encourage all of you out there who may be shy and introverted to not be jealous of who I am, and how God has wired me.  I am GLAD that you're shy.  Because almost always, that means you are also DEEP.  You want to spend more time with someone than I do.  I want to hear your story, then go talk to someone else.  And hear their story.  Not you.  You want to be a PART of someone's story.  And that's not me.  But people like me NEED people like you.  You are the people who are there to help when a friend's house gets flooded, when it's time to help someone move, when someone wants to talk for the ump-teenth time about how they are bummed out about a breakup. I hate that kind of stuff.  I guess what I'm saying is that God did not make a mistake when He made me, and He didn't make a mistake when He made you.  Embrace who you are, and who God has made you to be.  Also, you may need to repent of the sinful part of your personality (like I have to repent of not wanting to serve my friends).  You may have to repent of your shyness getting in the way of your willingness to get to know that person in your life who looks like they need a friend, but you haven't met them yet.  Repent when you need to; embrace who you are the rest of the time.  God will bless you and your life if you just be who He created you to be. 

Thanks for having me on your blog, Elizabeth!  God bless you!



No, thank you, sir!






*From what I looked up, it seems that you can spell this word "extraverted" or "extroverted".  Potatoes, potahtoes.  I spell it with an "a", Beau with an "o", so you'll see two different spellings in this post.  And since this post is all about understanding and appreciating differences, I did not go through and streamline the spellings.  I choose to say that I am making a point.  So there!  (And for those of you who aren't grammar dorks like me, please ignore this footnote and go on with your lives.  Please.)

Footnote: If you read this post right after I posted it, I said that Beau is an ENFJ (Myers-Briggs/Keirsey) type.  I was wrong; actually he is an ENFA (Golden Personality Type Profiler).  He sent me a report about it, and it looks like he would be more of an ENFP (Myers-Briggs/Keirsey) type.  (And for those of you who aren't personality assessment dorks like me, please ignore this footnote and go on with your lives.  Please.)