Remember Who You Are
In the midst of all of it, I started feeling a bit sick the last couple of days, and I think it was stress-induced. So, tonight, after falling asleep trying to read a play, I decided to put my books away for the evening and remember that
I am more than a student.
Oh, don't get me wrong: I am so very grateful to be here, to have three years to intensely study this craft that I think is part of my calling here on earth. I see it as a gift straight from His hand.
And, at the same time, I think part of that gift is the chance to be molded and refined in an intense program such as this, where I am surrounded by conversations about theatre all day, where I spend my days with theatre people, where I am asked to read two plays a week, write papers about theatre, teach undergrads about theatre, memorize multiple passages of Shakespeare's theatre a week, sing theatre songs in front of other theatre people and get (gulp!) critiqued on a weekly basis, grade quizzes about theatre, learn five dialects I can put on my theatre resume by December...I think it is making me realize two things:
a. That I am in the right place.
b. That theatre can not be my everything.
I can start to feel hollow inside if I forget that success in the theatre world is not ultimately where my worth or identity comes from.
When we moved here a month ago, Chris and I got a flier in the mail advertising a "God on Broadway" sermon series at a local church. I was excited to see that the 5-week series included shows like Wicked and The Lion King.
The first week's focus was The Lion King, and I had to check it out. I sat down in the stately-looking sanctuary, got my bearings, reading the synopsis of the show printed inside the right side of the bulletin. The cover of the bulletin looked like a Playbill, one of those official show programs you receive when seeing a Broadway show in New York.
The service opened with three chimes, symbolizing the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit--God the trinity. Then, from the back of the center aisle came this powerful, belty...
"Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba!"
And I knew I was in for a treat. I keep hoping I will run into the girl who sang that part somewhere around town so that I can tell her how powerful it was.
The service included three or four songs from the The Lion King, and it was also the theme of the sermon. Standing at the pulpit, the pastor said that, just like Simba runs away from his destiny as king and has to be reminded by his father, Mufasa, to, "Remember who you are," we are given all sorts of labels by the world around us, and have to be reminded by the Lord that our real identity is "child of God".
I took the message to heart, and I have realized that I need to get my priorities--or maybe I should say my identities--straight. Am I a wife? Yes! Am I a daughter? Yes! Am I an actress? Yes! Am I a student? Yes!
But if I am not first and foremost a child of God, then nothing else matters.
I am starting to understand the significance of Colossians 1:15-20:
"The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."
"In him all things hold together." That part has especially started to make sense to me recently.
Without you, Lord, I fall apart.
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