My Word of the Year

"I was remembering even the words of the original sports agent, my mentor, the late great Dickie Fox who said: 'The key to this business is personal relationships.' Suddenly it was all pretty clear. The answer was fewer clients. Less money. More attention."

-Jerry Maguire

We are in a semester of transition, my family and I.

My husband I have lived a rather nomadic marriage. To make that a reality in your mind, this is the longest we have ever stayed in one place since tying the knot. When I finish my grad degree in May, we will have been in Tuscaloosa for an impressive three years.

Speaking of impressive, I am tired of it. Specifically, I am tired of trying to be impressive. As an actor (and, I suspect, in many other professions), it feels like it is your job to be impressive. We aspire to “be noticed”, to “make a name for ourselves”. 

But the thing is, God more than notices me. He knows every hair that is on my head, and he knows if I went straight or curly today—and last Tuesday. And as far as "making a name for myself"? He has given me many amazing names, like “beloved”, like “a chosen people”, like “daughter”, and one day he will give me a secret, new name written on a stone. I don’t know what that is about, but I love the mystery of it. The point is, I really don’t need any more names, even though I'm bad at remembering that fact.

For the last three years, I've kickstarted the year with a Bible study on the YouVersion Bible app on my phone. It is called “One Word That Will Change Your Life”. Every time I tell a friend about it, I’m a little embarrassed, because the title sounds pretty hype-y. But I have loved creating this habit. The Bible study has you ask God for a word of the year. Every time I do the study, I am skeptical that this will actually work, but lo and behold, for the last three new years, it has!

In 2014, my word of the year was “open”. This was ironic because it was the year I gave birth to my son, and literally watched as my body and my life opened up room for this new little boy.

Last year, my word of the year was “humble”. I am not sure exactly what God was doing, but one guess is that, in a year of stepping into more leadership roles, I needed to remember that a good leader is a servant. 

This year, for 2016, my word of the year is “simple”.

Over Christmas break, I went through an online course called “Creating Your Life Plan”. The timing seemed right, since I am now starting my last semester of grad school. The study is by Don Miller, an author whose words have been a sort of mental companion to my 20s and 30s, in books like Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What.

“Creating Your Life Plan” asks you, among other tasks, to write out your five primary roles in life and your ambition for each one. One of the five primary roles I listed was “Actor/Singer”. I wrote next to it, “To invest my talents well.” And then I felt led to clarify my ambitions a step further. Here is the acronym I wrote down: KBIG.

K—Kingdom

“Seek first His kingdom”—that’s why “K” is first on the list.

B—Balance

Theatre and the arts can so easily suck away time and energy from the other good things in my life that also need shepherding.

I—Income

This is one that can be hard to come by in the arts, but, as my husband has said, "If you aren't getting paid, it's a hobby."

G—Growth

My biggest fear in leaving the training incubus of grad school has been that I will get rusty in my skills after devoting so much time to them.

I made this list and it simplified my career vision. I don’t have to be on Broadway or win an Oscar after all. I think that if I miraculously have these four things (because that would be a little miracle), I will be fine.

Ahhh . . . simple. One step off of the maddening highway of selfish ambition and vain conceit. Not that I am perfected yet or anything, but I am celebrating this triumph in my heart.

I had a quote I wanted to share at the end of this post, and then realized that, ironically, it comes from Don Miller’s latest book. The book is called Scary Close: dropping the act and finding true intimacy. Chapter 13 is entitled, “The Stuff of a Meaningful Life”. In it, Miller confesses that, as a kid, he “believed the lie nobody would love me unless I succeeded.” He talks about writing books and gaining a following, then admits, “while it was getting me famous, it wasn’t creating a meaningful life.” 

He contrasts his path with the life of his childhood pastor, David Gentiles, who had been offered positions in big churches, but had chosen to continue shepherding a very small one. “His talent grew, but every time he had the chance to move up the career ladder he moved down, on purpose.” When David Gentiles died, Don Miller gave the eulogy at his funeral. The church where Gentiles had been pastoring was too small for the crowd, so the funeral was held at a baseball stadium.

Reflecting on the event, Miller says, “love had won the day. Thousands of people had been deeply loved by a man who sought no fame and no glory. David didn’t try to impress people. He simply loved them.”

It is time to let God trim some fat off of my ambitions.

It is time to realize that He himself is my “very great reward”.

And I am his creature,

            dependent,

            simple,

            enough already.