The Ultimate High
My tv and movie fast of a couple of weeks ago set me on a new path, moving away from an addiction to excitement, and it is filtering over into other areas of my life.
Stacie Orrico, in her song, More to Life, sings,
"There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me."
When I worked at Camp Lone Star as a medic one summer, I shared living quarters, a job, and lots of good bonding time with another medic named Elizabeth. We got the affectionate names Medic A and Medic B. We made sure that our living space was decorated well, and in fact, I probably spent more of my time that summer in the artistic pursuit of kitchen inspiration, creating Bible verse murals all over the walls of the kitchen area of the medic station. (This is also probably why one especially cute little boy camper, who couldn't quite pronounce all of the letters in the English alphabet, called me "fake menic".) In addition to my kitchen project, I decided to also lovingly mark up the refrigerator.
On the side of the fridge that faced the door where groups of counselors and campers would enter to get their twice daily meds, I wrote out a quote from the famous Christian thinker, C.S. Lewis:
“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
You see, our desires were never meant to be fully fulfilled in our friends, in our husband (or wife), in our kids, in the food we eat. And I've known that mentally for a long time, but it's harder to get it through to your heart. I crave excitement, whether it comes in the form of a good conversation, a piece of chocolate cake, an action movie, or a trip to Europe. And all of those things are good...unless I try to force them, unless I look to them for my ultimate fulfillment. Which I have done over and over again.
But I am learning to lower my expectations about life, while increasing my expectations about God.
Last night, I was going to bed, and my mind started to wander to things it shouldn't, things I was wanting because I felt bored. And, instead of feeling guilty, mentally whipping myself, and frantically trying to police my thoughts and change myself (which doesn't work, I've found), I let myself think about why I wanted what I was thinking about, why I was struggling with these tempting taboo thoughts. I also let God in to help me figure it out.
I realized that what I was wanting was excitement. No, it was more than that. I was wanting meaning, that steady stream of purpose that shoots through and out of you like water from a hose--channeled, full of direction and energy, and also life-giving.
And God came in and reminded me that I was made to praise him.
So, to fulfill that longing, I got out of bed, and in the dark, I blared out a praise song, lifting my bare arms to the ceiling, flailing in joy like a girl alone, my mind and heart following the direction of my fingers up into the infinite beyond, up somewhere to where Jesus waits to take me home one day.
Oh, one day to be truly HOME, where all longings will be fulfilled, all addictions stilled, every moment brim-full with the meaning of it all.
Stacie Orrico, in her song, More to Life, sings,
"There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me."
When I worked at Camp Lone Star as a medic one summer, I shared living quarters, a job, and lots of good bonding time with another medic named Elizabeth. We got the affectionate names Medic A and Medic B. We made sure that our living space was decorated well, and in fact, I probably spent more of my time that summer in the artistic pursuit of kitchen inspiration, creating Bible verse murals all over the walls of the kitchen area of the medic station. (This is also probably why one especially cute little boy camper, who couldn't quite pronounce all of the letters in the English alphabet, called me "fake menic".) In addition to my kitchen project, I decided to also lovingly mark up the refrigerator.
On the side of the fridge that faced the door where groups of counselors and campers would enter to get their twice daily meds, I wrote out a quote from the famous Christian thinker, C.S. Lewis:
“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
You see, our desires were never meant to be fully fulfilled in our friends, in our husband (or wife), in our kids, in the food we eat. And I've known that mentally for a long time, but it's harder to get it through to your heart. I crave excitement, whether it comes in the form of a good conversation, a piece of chocolate cake, an action movie, or a trip to Europe. And all of those things are good...unless I try to force them, unless I look to them for my ultimate fulfillment. Which I have done over and over again.
But I am learning to lower my expectations about life, while increasing my expectations about God.
Last night, I was going to bed, and my mind started to wander to things it shouldn't, things I was wanting because I felt bored. And, instead of feeling guilty, mentally whipping myself, and frantically trying to police my thoughts and change myself (which doesn't work, I've found), I let myself think about why I wanted what I was thinking about, why I was struggling with these tempting taboo thoughts. I also let God in to help me figure it out.
I realized that what I was wanting was excitement. No, it was more than that. I was wanting meaning, that steady stream of purpose that shoots through and out of you like water from a hose--channeled, full of direction and energy, and also life-giving.
And God came in and reminded me that I was made to praise him.
So, to fulfill that longing, I got out of bed, and in the dark, I blared out a praise song, lifting my bare arms to the ceiling, flailing in joy like a girl alone, my mind and heart following the direction of my fingers up into the infinite beyond, up somewhere to where Jesus waits to take me home one day.
Oh, one day to be truly HOME, where all longings will be fulfilled, all addictions stilled, every moment brim-full with the meaning of it all.
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