Christian Actor Post 2: If "Look at me!" is your dream, dream BIGGER.

The curtain is down. You are standing in place behind it, minutes from show time, drunk on the creative energy about to boil over inside of you. The other actors take their places around you, and the tension mounts--you are part of something! You are all worthy of being up here on stage--special beings who belong together.

You can hear the noises past the curtain settling down, the house manager thanking the audience for coming and reminding them about cell phones. You are conscious of your breath. In 60 seconds, they'll see you. You'll be on.

The house manager painstakingly finishes his announcement, and it's like you are poised at the starting line on a race track, the starting gun lifting into the air. The house lights go down, the curtain goes up, the starting gun is fired with a resounding "BANG!" and the show has begun. You are the star. The lights are on you.

It is the greatest rush of adrenaline, and as you take the final bow, and go back behind stage, you are eager to meet the audience in the receiving line, eager to soak in their praise. You head out to the lobby, and they all stream out, give you a few compliments...and then they leave. It's over. All you feel now is deflated. Disillusioned. You had such high hopes, and now you are over, your time is over, and life has gone on. Not everyone's life revolves around this show.

I have been there. I have felt that let-down. Like a lonely single girl watching a chick flick, I have ridden that high and felt those waves of emotion, only to be dropped ten stories to the ground when it's over.

What's going on?

I recently went to a high school production of the musical "Once Upon A Mattress". I was proud of all of the kids--they put their hearts and souls into their work. And you could tell they were nervous and eager to please. And then...the time came for the 16-year-old girl playing the jester to do her dance solo and a song. And as I watched her, time stopped. I found myself suddenly on the verge of tears, transported past this high school gymnasium and up into the heart of God.

What happened there?

What I learned from the jester that day was this: "I [God] am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." (The Bible, Revelation 22:13) I always took this verse as a reference to time. But as I watched this teenage girl dancing, it was like God was lovingly revealing to me a mysterious jewel. Here's what I took away from the experience:

As an artist, I am only safe and living my destiny when God is my Alpha, my starting point: the ONE who tells me who I am and what I am worth (because of His love and what Jesus did on the cross in dying for my sins).

And, as an artist, I am only safe and living my destiny when God is my Omega, my ending point: the one bowl into which I pour out my creativity, the one audience member whose praise I desperately need, the King and Father to whom I bow.

Why is this so important?

God wants us to know overwhelmingly deep wells of delight and to be safely covered in the protection of our daddy's arms. When I stop trusting Him and His love, an empty space widens inside of me. Then, too ashamed to take it to Jesus, I go out to fill it by trying to gorge myself on the audience's compliments and awe, and I get really hurt or really proud. And my daddy hates to see me hurt. He longs to give me beautiful things and to comfort me. My daddy hates to see me proud, because it makes me lonely and separate, and hurtful to his other kids.

That day in the high school gym, this beautiful 16-year-old actress forgot herself, and found her life. She was lost in the simple but profound joy of creating, and in so doing, brought us along with her.

THAT is the kind of artist I want to be...with the help of God.



Question for Comment: How have you seen this playing out in your own life or career?



Photo by Elizabeth Bernhardt