Christian Actor Post 4: The Price of Envy

en·vy   
[en-vee]
noun, plural -vies, verb, -vied, -vy·ing.
–noun
1.
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
-Dictionary.com Unabridged

"And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."
-Ecclesiastes 4:3-5, The Bible

"A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones."
-Proverbs 14:30, The Bible


They say that you teach best what you most need to learn. And I have a lot to learn about not envying other actors. I have spent a lot of time, either on my couch watching movies or fact-surfing on imdb.com, going ga-ga over other people's careers. I have looked to them to show me how to be and what path to take to reach the stardom that they have achieved.

The entertainment industry can be a lot like adolescence. Let me explain: When I was in 7th grade, I sat by the window in my math class, in a grouping of four desks. One of the other students in my grouping was a girl whom we will call Sarah. She was pretty nice and wore glasses and talked to me...until sometime in the middle of that year, when Sarah became popular. I don't know how it happened, but I got a taste of what being in the "out-crowd" felt like as Sarah confirmed my social status with a cold shoulder.

A few years later, we were going to a high school whose academic building had an uncanny resemblance to a parking garage. It was made of concrete, which turned out to be a good idea, since we had some pyros in our school, and it made things easier for the janitors, who could just hose the floors off at night.

The halls in the academic building were all assigned letters, and the entrance to A Hall was where the popular kids hung out...including Sarah. I would weave my way around them (they stood in the middle of the hallway entrance so that inferior beings had to huddle against the wall to get past), and I would stare at Sarah, convinced that if I just looked at her long enough, some of her status would magically transfer to me. I studied her clothes, taking tips mentally on what to wear to up my status. Sadly, instead of growing more popular, I just felt sicker the more envious I got ("envy rots the bones", remember?).

After college, I set my career sights on acting, and my eyes turned from the A Hall to the A-List. And I found I wasn't the only one playing the envy game. While in New York, industry professionals told us to always be prepared to tell casting directors which famous actor we could be compared to. I would study the paths of those who had "made it" the way I had studied Sarah, thinking if I could just copy them, I would finally be in the in-crowd of life. It took some counseling to realize just how much self-loathing had built up in me as I tried to shove down who I really was in favor of a character more pleasing to others. I had tried for the in crowd, and inadvertently cast myself, my true self, into the darkness of the out crowd.

Jesus, the A-Lister

Consider this: Jesus is the most beautiful, most talented, most powerful being there is, and He is destined to spend eternity in the spotlight. But He is different from the A Hall people:

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness."
-Philippians 2:5-7

If you have envied others--or done the opposite evil and been arrogant, tell God about your feelings, apologize, and tell him how badly this has hurt you and others. Ask for His forgiveness because of Jesus's death for you*. And ask Him to change your heart. I am still learning this myself, but God is showing me that He is a good daddy, and He longs to comfort us and free us from our sin.

Also, know this: God is specific and unique in how He created each of us. He created your "inmost being"! (Psalm 139:13) He knows all of your secret desires and what to do with them. He is the only one who knows what you were "born to do" and how desperately you don't want to miss out on it. He hasn't forgotten you! And He has made you to be part of THE Grand Story, full of the deepest meaning and the greatest adventure. He knows what to do and He loves you. Ask Him, go to Him, and you'll find the peace that "gives life to the body".

To close, here is a thought I had the other day, which I wrote in my diary. It's not from the Bible, so test it and see if it seems accurate:

"THE CURE FOR JEALOUSY: Being fully yourself. Not holding back your gifts, but giving them freely to the waiting world. They are needed. Your gifts, your way of seeing things, is needed."

If we know Christ, then we have a light to shine. And we don't have to wait for Hollywood or Broadway to make us a star to start using the talents He has given us!


*And if you want to know more about this Jesus thing, please leave a comment and I'll respond.